Feb, 2006. For the past five months I have been living in a car at the edge of woods — jobless and homeless and totally unable to find a way out. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't scream loudly enough, but I can read and write. So here I am laying down tracks...hopefully the start of an online paper trail out of here. (Update: Miracles happen....if you are reading my story I am part of your proof.)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

...from the sieve of her hands...

Sorry haven't been here for a while. Trying to go forwards...Work and life keeping me busy. Hope you are all well and using up the last of the year well. During the week I got onto a tube in London feeling very tired and despondent, as you often do cramming onto a tube at rush hour, wondering if I had taken a backwards step in my life, and without a book to read, swinging tiredly from the hand rail above me, I stared mindlessly up at the adverts. Among them was this poem. It is called 'Prayer' and was almost in answer to one in that moment, and was so lovely I thought I'd put it here. I hope you think so too...

PRAYER - Carol anne Duffey

Some days, although we cannot pray, a prayer
utters itself. So a woman will lift
her head from the sieve of her hands and stare
at the minims sung by a tree, a sudden gift.
Some nights, although we are faithless, the truth
enters our hearts, that small familiar pain;
then a man will stand stock-still, hearing his youth
in the distant Latin chanting of a train.
Pray for us now. Grade 1 piano scales
console the lodger looking out across
a Midlands town. Then dusk, and someone calls
a child's name as though they named their loss.
Darkness outside. Inside the radio's prayer -
Rockall. Malin. Dogger. Finisterre

(It would be enough wouldn't it... to write something like that. Even just once... 'the truth enters our hearts, that small familiar pain...', '...Then dusk, and someone calls a child's name as though they named their loss.')


At 5:42 p.m., Anonymous Mareea Cullen =O said...

Like the Poem. x
Hope u are well Anya, its always nice to read your blog, it gives me some kind of inspiration. Well..then again, u are an inspiration yourself, May God's blessings be with you, Mareea. x :)

At 7:11 p.m., Blogger jarvenpa said...

That's a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing that with us. I hope that your own life will have brightness through the coming winter.

At 10:14 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to tell you that I have got my OWN copy of your wonderful book. I first read it as a library book but then had to go by a copy...blessings to you for xmas.


At 11:33 a.m., Anonymous catarina said...

Hello! I'm with Catherine, I'm 15 years and I'm Portuguese!

I read your book and was thrilled. I admire you very much , you are so strong!

Congratulations and good luck!

(Sorry for mistakes :b )

At 10:53 a.m., Anonymous Chrissy said...

hope all is well,just finished your book, keep that chin up high!

At 4:51 a.m., Blogger The Lost One said...

i read your book anya and you are my hero, i have had to go through some of the things you had to go through, now i know i can get through them after reading your book, it has given me hope, i hope you have a lovely christmas, and i love that poem you shared with us, it is lovely, god bless you anya and thankyou so much, you are my hero and my inspiration

At 10:30 a.m., Blogger Dreamfinder said...

Read your book, Anya. Completely taken in. I can imagine with detail the lane, trees even the inside of your car. God bless you Anya.
I want visit this page often. Take care and hope you got something planned for Christmas....

At 2:32 a.m., Anonymous Melissa said...

i have read the book abandoned, and i finish it within a week!
anyway, i'm from Singapore. and i feel that your story encourage most of us.
god is always with you.


At 11:03 a.m., Blogger Shiva said...

Just read your book last night..

I finally there will be relief and a purpose for my life too...



At 8:28 a.m., Blogger Fejay Conson said...

merry christmas to you.. hope you have a wonderful year ahead.. i keep in touch with your blog..

At 6:49 p.m., Anonymous Gigi said...

Hi Anya!
I'm Gigi from hong kong (a city of china).
I've just finished your thought-provoking and heart-touching book.
i feel so sad and sympathetic to your childhood while at the same time feeling happy for you that miracle finally had happend on you and i believe that really changes you a lot in your life.
i'll keep checking your blog from time to time to keep knowing what a new leaf you have turned to. ;D

I bought this wonderful book by chance while i was having a language travel in the past summer vacation.
it is my honour to have read this book and thank God that brings your inspirational story to my life.

Hope you are having a 'normal' life that you have long craved for . ;D

With lots of support,

ps. sorry for any of my english mistakes >v<

At 5:52 a.m., Anonymous ALWAYS.HOPING said...

Hey Anya? Is this real? I've read ur book and it's so sad, I nearly cried. I hope you're fine now. I'm experiencing unhappy things too. I've never had a nice childhood, too.
After looking at your blog, i want to write one,too, but I think I cant. I'm not as brave as you are.

At 1:18 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey anya i finished ur book not long ago and it was amazing i cried through the whole story bout what happened to u.. hope u found the light at the end of the tunnel :)

At 12:16 a.m., Anonymous CD MASTERING said...

good one

At 10:45 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know i may be just another one of those people who will comment about how amazing your story is, but it truly inspires me that your have picked yourself up and got on your feet. As soon as I finished your book 'Abandoned', I was overwhelmed and quickly searched your page and have been reading for what seems like a very long time. I hope you stay well troughout the rest of your life. You are my idol.
-Elissa H., 13 years old

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